Down Memory Lane with Ol Ronnie Reagan

OL' RONNIE REAGAN 
a NeoHoosier idyll, with a tic of the supercilium to James Whitcomb Riley

Ol' Ronnie Reagan's come to Washington to stay,
An' clean up State Department an' scare the Reds away,
An' purge the Senate of its Doves, the budget of its fat,
An' make life plumb intol’able fer th' welfare bureaucrat;
An' all acrost the nation, when the budget-cuttin's done,
We set around the teevy an' has the mostest fun
A-listening to the witch-tales 'at Ronnie tells about,
An Dave Stockman’ll git you

Ef you
    Don't
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           Out!

Wunst they was a little boy who wouldn't say his prayers
At school or at the table, an' put on atheistic airs,
Cause he seen on Public Teevy how th' Cosmos come to pass,
An' Sagan said God weren't nothin' but another name fer gas;
An' he studied in biology eevilution's demonic line,
An' he never learnt a doggone thing 'cept to scoff an' undermine.
Thank God fer Creationism, an' now we've got no doubt,
An' the Moral Majority’ll gityou

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An' wunst they was a little girl, three months overdue,
An' she was "liberated", as ever’body knew;
An' she favor'd abortion on demand an' worked fer E.R.A.,
But when time came to `bort her own, she found she couldn't pay.
So she went and did her own, with a rusty butterknife,
And now she's down in Attica, a-doin' ten-to-life.
She shoulda settled down 'stead o' sashayin' all about,
An' the Pro-life folks'll git you

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An Ol’ Ronnie Reagan says, when the goin's kind o' rough,
An' the Cubans an' the Ruskies is actin' kind o' tough,
An' the welfare cheats is howlin' an' allus wantin' more,
You better reinstate the Draft, an' "advise" El Salvador;
An' give more money to Defense, unleash the CIA,
An' deploy planes an' neutron bombs to kill the Christian way.
An' show the world our Iron Resolve an' let them feel our Clout,
'Er General Haig’ll git you

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Alternate stanza for stanza #3, OL' RONNIE REAGAN

An' wunst they was a little girl who wasn't nice at all, 
An' she tore up all her miniskirts an' broke her Barbie doll. 
An' she got an eddycation, an' worked fer ERA, 
'Cause her "macho" boss harassed her when she asked fer ekkal pay.
 Now she calls herself a femmynist, an’ she makes it awful clear 
She's plumb deddycated to advancin' her career.
She shoulda settled down 'stead o' sashayin' all about,
n' Phyllis Schafley’ll git you

Ef you
   Don't
        Watch
           Out!

--Mark Worden